Are You In A Relationship For The Wrong Reason(s)?

When working with clients, I hear many excuses for the marital woes couples experience. They are pretty typical and no doubt you’ve heard of a few such as:

• He/she can’t satisfy me sexually.
• He/she doesn’t make enough money.
• I don’t even like him/her, anymore. I married out of pity.
• I needed to spice up my life.
• We got married too young and I dated only him/her.
• My dad cheated on my mom, but she stayed with him or vice versa.
• He/she nags all the time.
• He/she has changed and is not the same person anymore.
• He/she has gained a lot of weight since we married.
• He/she seduced me.

Now, let’s look at these examples more closely to see how to avoid breaking a trust.

• When you feel like you can’t get satisfied sexually, ask yourself these questions: Do I still know how to sexually arouse my spouse after many years of marriage? Should I see a doctor or read books or explore other options to create a more loving environment in the bedroom that could even start before getting there? Have we tried new ways of making love with each other?
• If he doesn’t make enough money, have you ever looked for a job, even part-time, so you can contribute something to your marriage/family? Think about how you can use your time and resources to help your finances. If you are a working professional woman and making more money than your spouse, be proud of who you are and what you do. (It’s not a competition.) If you are both working, work out a budget and share the expenses. When you married, you probably knew that one of you might be the main provider. Did you get into your relationship with your eyes wide open?
• Don’t marry someone because you feel sorry for him or her. It’s a lifetime decision. If you enter a marriage without much forethought, then there must have been some positive attributes that attracted you to the person. Focus on those qualities and elaborate on them instead of looking for what isn’t working in your relationship.
• If you need to spice up your life, learn a new hobby, take some interesting classes, or read some books. If you want to find out why you are feeling bored and unsatisfied with yourself, you can’t seem to find contentment in your partner or satisfy your own needs, consider talking to a professional. Never betray the trust of the person you are dating, married to, or living with as a couple.
• Some high school sweethearts get married and after having a couple of children and the everyday stresses of life, one or both realizes that they didn’t experience other relationships. If that’s the case, a separation might be needed, but not adultery.
• If either one of your parents had a romantic extra-marital affair and you knew about it, you no doubt remember how hurtful it was for the parent that had to deal with the betrayal. Are you going to do the same thing to your partner and children? Where is the honor, discipline, or morality that marriage should be based on?
• Often times, some women had a profession before having children only to discover that by being a stay-at-home mom, they miss the freedom of working outside of the house. This can result in a lack of self-esteem or self-worth, causing them to nag their partners and complain that they are not as happy with themselves as they were before. Hopefully, the significant other will understand that their partner is going through a period of change and should try to listen and communicate in a loving manner.
• We all go through stages of growth either spiritually, mentally, or physically. If there is love between a couple and they are committed to working on their relationship, they can better support each other. There is never any justification for infidelity just because one (or both) of the partners feel like something is missing in their relationship or marriage.
• Nobody can seduce you if you don’t want to be seduced. It takes two to tango, my dear friends. We all know someone who has experienced marital ups and downs and then that “special” someone comes along and offers to satisfy some emotional needs that he or she was not getting from a partner. Just because you get an offer, it doesn’t mean that you should accept it. Ask yourself if it’s worth the risk of potentially ruining your marriage and the love you share with your partner and possibly children. Breaking someone’s trust not only disrespects your partner, you disrespect yourself.
• Trusting yourself to make the right decision is a very important step in a relationship. Some people are always worried about what is going to happen in the future. They don’t know how to experience living in the present and they are unaware of the fact that they are the creators of their own lives. They are constantly worried that something bad might happen and truly believe that this is a practical and realistic way of thinking. They don’t realize that by thinking this way, they are actually sending energy out for something negative to actually occur.
• Trusting your intuition, listening to your heart, and having faith that whatever is going to happen is for your own good makes life much easier for you and the people around you.