1) You are the most important person in your life and you need to take care of yourself so you don’t look for fulfillment in your partner. Think about things that make you happy in life. Is it going for a walk in nature or strolling the water’s edge or listening to music? Maybe you enjoy reading, even writing? Do it.
2) Meditation is showing up for yourself and helps to ensure that your happiness and love come from within. To focus on yourself, be still and present in the moment. Start with slow, deep breathing, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth and then repeat the exercise for at least five minutes in the morning increasing it throughout the day until you develop a habit of being in tune with yourself. The quality of your life is measured by the questions you ask yourself, such as how you feel at different times and in different situations. By asking yourself questions, you will receive the answers that you need. As an exercise, think of five things that make you feel good and do as many of them as possible today and tomorrow.
3) Have a plan for yourself every day and make your decisions based on the outcomes you are looking for. If you have failed in the past, mistakes become learning tools. Use that experience to create what you need to take better care of you. Albert Einstein has been attributed with saying, “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Use your mistakes and failures as feedback so you don’t repeat them in the future. Learn to meditate and live in the moment because only you can create the everlasting, exhilarating joy that you are meant to have in your life. Be aware of your feelings, space, and strengths. Get clarity on what you want to accomplish. Plan to learn one thing each day, even if it is only one new word and its definition. The more knowledge and understanding you acquire, the more flexibility you’ll have in life because you have given yourself more options to make yourself happy and thrive.
4) All too often, we are our own worst enemy because we criticize our motives and decisions. Self-blame has no role here. Learn to love and accept yourself for who you are. You were born to be unique and special. There is no one like you in this world, even if you have a twin. Respect yourself and appreciate your individuality. Life is all about respecting and appreciating people’s differences.
How can one understand who he or she really is, stands for, represents, and wants out of life? Wherever you are in life, take credit for what you’ve already accomplished. You can’t change history, but you can change today and shift the direction that you are headed in. YOU are the most important person in YOUR life.
Ask yourself, “Are my emotional needs being met?” Maybe you are too busy to focus on what your needs are. If this is the case, make time to assess yourself. Unless you can identify what your emotional needs are and how they can be met, you can lose yourself. I encourage my clients to make a list of their emotional needs to understand where they are coming from. If you are having trouble getting started, consider the emotional needs that many of us have, such as friendship, recognition, time alone, validation, etc. Sometimes we may need to explore our past for clarity in order to understand the present, but don’t let your past be your focus.
Part of accepting oneself is recognizing that you do have faults and deficiencies; understanding that we are not broken and those parts or emotions are important parts of our being. When we love ourselves completely, we tend to lighten up on ourselves, which is a good thing. We feel comfortable in our own skin. People who are happy with their existence are often more nurturing and sensitive towards others and their relationships. People who tend to lack self-love often start arguments with their loved ones for no reason other than to nurture and fill the emptiness inside them, which creates more confusion. Some people just like to see others as miserable as they are. They are used to seeing the negative side of everything in life, including their relationships. When you are constantly looking for the value and goodness in people, you keep seeing the best parts of them. It’s called being caring and loving unconditionally.
There are several ways to develop self-acceptance. In simple terms, when you truly love yourself, you can accept yourself. The most important thing I do for myself is meditate for a few minutes each day the first thing in the morning. I started with five minutes a few years ago and I tell my clients and students to do the same. I count my inhales and exhales, and as my whole body starts relaxing, I just let all my thoughts come and go. I often find answers to my daily concerns. I have a Smartphone and a journal nearby, so, afterwards, I can make notes of the important messages that come to me while I meditate. More frequently, I recite and repeat affirmations or mantras when I need them. Another thing that I do daily is to repeat a particular affirmation that goes, “I love myself and I accept myself.” Reinforcing this belief, it has become second nature to me. I know who I am and what I represent. What you ingrain in yourself will show as a light that is ignited from within and will be illuminated outside of you.
The other part of accepting oneself is forgiveness. We are human and we make mistakes. Maybe we’ve done something that we aren’t proud of. Maybe we have hurt someone in the past that still plagues our conscience. When you harbor guilt and anger, you only make matters worse. A shift in mindset is needed to accept that you are not perfect. You make mistakes, but learning to forgive yourself is the other part of self-acceptance.
